


Into the light

by fallingaway



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 01:12:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9049315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingaway/pseuds/fallingaway
Summary: Isak enjoys the school break, Christmas and Even.





	

Isak arrived at home to find a giant teddy bear at his doorstep. He was so focused on Express Yourself blasting on his ears, trying to numb his mind while pushing back the much needed time to process all the weirdness of his Christmas Eve, that it was a miracle he didn’t trip on the poor thing and fell face first on the floor. A little piece of paper attached to the bear’s heart made Isak’s mood changed from _who left this murder weapon here_ to _I can’t believe him_ in half a second.

The drawing had three panels, each one containing Even holding a different sign – _I’d love to go all Love Actually on you, but then I remembered that it’s kind of a sad scene, and there’s no space for sadness when life is chill_ , followed by a drawing of a teddy bear’s face with heart eyes. Isak beamed so much at the piece of paper he was afraid it would spontaneously combust. He had no idea what his boyfriend was talking about, but just loved the way that Even was being so thoroughly… Even.

They had barely seen each other for a full week. Last Saturday, when they were together at Even’s parents’ house, Even told him that he was thinking about spending at least a week of the school break there, in a long delayed and much needed quiet time. Which was a great idea, especially considering how nice his parents were – no wonder Even turned out the way he was, with the house full of movie posters and books and instruments, big smiles and warm words everywhere. Isak was still amazed by them.

Even’s mom worked as an editor at a video producer company, and his father played bass in a jazz band as a hobby. Janne was as tall and lean as her son, and she seemed so genuinely happy to meet Isak that it made him ten thousand times more nervous.

“Relax, you’ve already won them over,” Even whispered in his ear to reassure him.

“It’s just that I really don’t want to lose my job, you know,” Isak whispered back, and Even gave him one of his bright, bright smiles as he pretended to punch Isak in the shoulder.

Rolf, his dad, had this distinct lumberjack look. He played them some songs after lunch and told Isak stories from his youth, when the band he was in at the time decided it was a great idea to tour around Europe in a tiny van packed with instruments and overgrown men during summer. It was a remarkable time when he basically lived off dried fish, the beer people gave them at the pubs and five changes of clothes.

It baffled him how… normal the Næsheim household was. If he was being honest with himself, Isak was half expecting to find the answers to Even’s illness there, but he couldn’t really find any. Maybe the randomness of the universe could also apply to people’s mental illnesses, with it happening to people from very different backgrounds and families.

His train of thoughts was interrupted when Janne pocked him in the ribs, asking him to help her with the dishes. Isak was in charge of washing, while Janne dried and put them back on the cabinet. They made a fairly efficient team for two people who had just met.

“You’re in your second year, right?” Even’s mom asked while she reached the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet with no difficulty.

“That’s it.”

“I remember my time in high school, it was… wild. Especially when everybody started freaking out about russ and such,” Janne laughed a bit at her reminiscences. Isak tried not to get any secondhand embarrassment, thinking about the stupid things she did in her last semester as a student.

“Yeah, but I’m not really into… I don’t think I’ll get involved with any russ celebration.”

“Oh, but you should! If you want to, of course. But Even is the same, ranting on about what a waste they are. Well, he was excited about it when he was in Elvebakken, but–”

He waited for a second, holding a wine of glass mid-air, hoping that Janne could tell him some of the things he was too nervous to ask Even, but she didn’t say anything else.

“You still have some time to think about it, anyway,” she said instead.

“Janne, do you think–” he started, fighting hard not to let his braveness slip away. “Do you think Even is going to be okay?”

“He _is_ okay, love.”

He stared at her for a moment, not sure how to articulate what he meant without sounding as jerky as he did back in the locker room on the damned day.

“He just needs time. And possibly other things, which that’s up to him to decide. His illness isn’t something that is… going away, if that’s what you mean. It’s part of him, but it’s not _him_ ,” she continued on, looking at him more seriously and suspiciously than she had before.

“No, that’s not what I– Well, I don’t even know what I meant. It’s all very new to me so I guess I’m… learning as I go?”

Isak almost sighed with relief when he realized Janne was smiling at him again.

“Aren’t we all?”

And then, after a small pause, “You just need to take a day at a day, love. It’s what I always say. Even is a very precious boy.”

As she said his name, Even popped his head into the kitchen with sweat covering his shirt. “Snow is all out,” he announced.

“Thanks for helping your dad, he’s been nagging to me about getting too old to shovel,” Janne said, kissing her son in the cheek and taking the hair that was stuck to his forehead. “We’re almost done here as well, right Isak?”

“With my advanced dish washing skills, we’ll be finished in no time.”

“Good, I want to show Isak my old room,” said Even with a bright smile.

“I’m sure you do,” Janne replied in a very inappropriate tone that made Isak want to drown in the sink, feeling his cheeks get as warm as the sun.

“ _Mom_ ,” Even retorted in a playful way, helping her store the dishes. “Don’t mind her, she just has no brain to mouth filter,” he whispered in Isak’s ear at the first opportunity.

“I know the type,” Isak shrugged.

In ten minutes, they were touring through Even’s old bedroom. Which so far involved only the bed where they were making out, showing that Janne had made a fair point.

“What do you think of them?” Even asked a bit breathless, whispering against Isak’s lips while lying on top of him.

“They’re great. Your dad would make Grindr explode.”

Even muffled his laugh against Isak’s chest, mumbling something about Isak had ruined his dad for him.

“But they’re… they’re actually very nice people, Even. I’m glad you have them,” he continued.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be nice to spend some quiet days with them, just shoveling and washing dishes,” Even agreed, and added after a few seconds. “Well, I don’t have much choice while Sonja’s still at the flat.”

The change in his expression when he mentioned his ex-girlfriend was as clear as the summer sky. Isak licked his lip, unsure if he should say anything about the Christmas message, but Even decided before he could.

“What is it?” he asked, nudging Isak’s chin with his nose.

“Sonja, erm… I sent her a text yesterday,” he started, already getting the judgy-eyebrow-raise from Even, “and she replied wishing us both a merry Christmas. I think it was nice of her. She was very helpful when things got… chaotic, you know. I really think you guys should talk.”

Even sat on the bed with a very straight back and a lot of judgment, looking at Isak with dead eyes, and for a second the younger boy was terrified that he had ruined everything. Even seemed to be fighting very hard to find the right words, opening and closing his mouth four times before saying, “I know you’re right, but I can’t do that now.”

Isak sighed with relief, using his elbows to lift his body up on the bed, sitting cross-legged in front of Even. He rubbed Even’s legs for a moment, waiting for him to calm down and trying not to regret bringing the text up. He couldn’t be stepping on eggs forever.

“You don’t have to do that now. You don’t have to do that… ever, I mean, if you don’t want to.”

Isak cupped Even’s face with his hands and kissed him, feeling Even’s warmth come back. They both lied on the bed again, side by side this time, quietly looking at each other’s eyes.

“When did you become such a master at dealing with people, huh?” Even eventually broke the silence, kissing Isak’s lips and caressing his face.

“I’ve been working very hard at it,” Isak replied in all honesty.

Even chuckled and kissed him again, nudging his nose against the curve of Isak’s neck, finding the way below Isak’s shirt. “We’ll talk, I guess. One day. I just can’t really deal with it right now.”

“That’s fine. Minute by minute.”

“Minute by minute,” Even agreed, as it was becoming their mantra. “And I have many wild ideas of what we can do with the next one.”

Eventually, Isak did see the rest of Even’s room, including embarrassing childhood pictures (“It’s best that I show them to you before my mom does,” Even explained, laughing at himself dressed up as a tree for a school presentation), old drawings from his junior days and his collection of Backstreet Boys CDs. _Millennium_ was blasting through the room before Isak could stop it.

The whole room was so Even that it almost felt like a parallel dimension where little else could exist. Isak imagined his boyfriend there, lying on bed going through the good times and the bad times, texting friends that he had never told Isak about, watching the sad love stories that he would take as gospel truth, scribbling on notebooks until his hand hurt.

“What are you thinking about?” Even whispered in his ear, sitting behind him on the floor.

“I like it here,” Isak replied, turning his head to kiss him. “I like… learning things about you.”

Even pretended to give a huge sigh of relief.

“I’m glad this worked, it was all a set up to make you incredibly endeared.”

Isak laughed a bit, starting to pick up very quickly when Even was trying to avoid a conversation he didn’t want to have. And he clearly didn’t want to talk about himself more than he needed to, at least for now.

“You could have used less shitty pop music, though.”

“Don’t say that ever again or I’ll kick you out,” Even retorted, pulling him closer.

* * *

Later that night, Isak sat on the bus by himself, leaning his head against the window and thinking about nothing in particular during the short trip back to Oslo. He had two weeks of school break ahead of him and wasn’t sure of what to do with himself. He wanted to stay true to his words, to what he had told Eva the night before about actually living his life instead of wasting it away on Fifa and TV shows (unless he did it with friends, then it still counted), but couldn’t imagine how to fill up two full weeks, especially considering that one would be Evenless.

There was a big party on Tuesday at Jonas’ place, both to celebrate his birthday and the beginning of the break. Then Jonas came over to his place on Wednesday and stayed until Friday, when Magnus and Mahdi joined them in an afternoon dedicated to ice staking downtown. Magnus and Jonas were absolutely horrible at it, which made Isak proud that at least he could skate for a few meters before losing his balance. That is, until Mahdi took the rink showing surprisingly good skills, gracefully sliding from one end to the other and even doing a fairly decent spin.

“How the fuck did you learn that,” Magnus asked what they were all thinking.

“How the fuck you _didn’t_ ,” Mahdi replied with a big smile, showing off just a bit more of his skills. “We’re from fucking Norway.”

They headed back to Isak’s for a pregame to a party that still didn’t exist. Magnus immediately volunteered to find them a place to go, which they all knew it was a handy excuse to text Vilde the whole time without being judged by his friends.

“Vilde said she’s deciding with the girls where they prefer to go,” Magnus said after fifteen minutes of intense texting. “She also sent me a picture of her boobs,” he added, trying to show his phone to the other boys.

“Magnus, don’t show us nude pictures that a girl sent you, man,” Mahdi scolded, forcing the phone down.

"That’s definitely not chill,” Jonas agreed, carefully preparing the bong.

“I’ve already said that you guys have to help me, I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“If she sends you nude picture, it’s chill,” Isak said, putting a finger up. “Showing that picture to other people, not chill,” he concluded, with a second finger up, and then gulping down the rest of his beer. “How are things going between you two, anyway?”

“I think it’s been really good, man! I made her come like ten times yesterday,” Magnus said, full of himself with the biggest grin on his face.

“Oooh, so you learned how to go down on a girl, yeah?” said a very surprised Mahdi, patting his friend in the back.

“No, I didn’t get down there yet,” Magnus retorted at bit confused.

Both Mahdi and Jonas stared at him in disbelief, and then exchanged a quick look as if they were silently asking each other, _who’s going to tell him_. Isak took the chance to get them more beer, since the conversation was way off his area of expertise.

“So you, erm…” Jonas started very carefully, “ _didn’t_ make her come ten times, bro. I’m sorry to say that.”

“What,” Magnus sounded hurt. “But she was all _oooh_ _aaah_ _don’t stop I’m going to come_.”

Isak leaned over the counter, amusedly watching the exchange unfold.

"Magnus, my comrade, my friend,” said Mahdi, putting a supportive arm around his shoulders, “there’s no easy way of telling you this, but girls lie.”

“What? _Why._ ”

“Because they want to make the guy happy,” Jonas tried.

"Because you’re not making _her_ that happy,” Mahdi retorted.

 “Just go down there and ask her what she likes,” Isak intervened, sitting by the table again.

Jonas looked at him with a smile playing on his lips, his eyes already glassy from the weed. “And where did you get this knowledge from?”

“He must know his stuff, getting it on with a hottie like Even,” Magnus pondered, apparently taking thousands of mental notes on how to better please Vilde. Isak tried to hold back a cocky smile. “Speaking of my lady, she just said we can go with her and the girls to Elin’s party.”

“ _Your lady_?” mocked Jonas in a very loving tone, offering Mahdi the bong.

“Are we going to drink any more before going? I think our beer is over but we could grab some of Eskild’s,” alerted Isak when they finished smoking and were getting ready to go.

“I’m good,” said Jonas.

“All good,” Mahdi agreed.

“Vilde makes me drunk enough,” Magnus added, giving a big smile at their collectively disgusted faces.

* * *

Isak took a bus heading to his old house on Saturday morning, ignoring how sweaty his hands were. He hadn’t taken that bus in over a year – it seemed like a lifetime ago since the last time, and he wasn’t that keen on going back home. But his mom wanted to spend Christmas with him, and they hadn’t really talked properly after he left mid-concert, and it was his mom. Christmas was such an important event for her that sharing it with her son would definitely make her the happiest.

It would have been better if his dad wasn’t there, though. He was supposed to be visiting some relatives in Sweden, but decided to delay his flight so they could _spend some quality family time_ , it was what he called it. Isak was no expert in relationship, let alone the complicated mess that adults usually got themselves into, but something told him that it wasn’t very nice to spend such a symbolic date with your ex-wife when you had no intention of getting back together and could surely see the hopeful looks she gave in your direction.

Besides, Isak missed his mom. He missed the quirky bond they had with each other, with the slow way she talked, her soft touches, and the crinkle in her eyes every time Isak told her he had gotten a good grade or did something fun with his friends. It wasn’t the same when his dad was there as well.

But there was nothing he could do, so at dinner time the three of them sat by the table and linked their hands as his mom said a prayer.

“I hope the pork ribs are good,” his mom said after it, serving the food on Isak’s plate.

“I can do that, mom.”

“Don’t be silly,” she retorted in a practical tone.

“How’s school going, Isak?” his dad asked, giving up way for his mom to serve him as well.

“It’s… good, I guess,” Isak replied, playing with the peas while he waited for them to start all eating together. “I’m doing great in biology and English. And I’m not that good with physics, but I nailed my last exam.”

“God, we thank you for the food you give us and we shall be grateful in the name of those who have nothing to eat,” his mom murmured one last prayer at her end of the table. “Let’s eat?” she concluded with a big smile.

“That’s good, you’re almost starting your third year,” his dad continued, munching on the food.

“Yeah, it’s… I can’t believe it’s just a semester away.”

“Which means you need to start thinking about the future,” his dad sentenced, and Isak stabbed the pork with a bit more than necessary force.

“Come on, Terje, stop putting the boy under pressure,” his mom interrupted, the same way she did when the three of them still lived under that same roof. But back then, they sat side by side at the table, and she used to tenderly touch his hand every time he started being inconvenient, which happened considerable times.

His dad laughed a bit before saying, “I know, I know, it’s Christmas. I just can’t believe our boy has grown so much,” and Isak couldn’t control the face he made for being called _our boy_. Then his dad cleared his throat, asking, “And how are things with… what’s his name?”

Isak raised both eyebrows. “Even?”

“Yes, how are things with Even?”

“We’re…” Isak tried to read his mom’s expression with the corner of his eyes. It was one thing to be supportive over text message, another thing having her son talk about his boyfriend during Christmas dinner. But she was just smiling in expectation, and Isak wanted to cry all over again, “back together. Some stuff happened, but it’s all good now.”

“Hmm, good. If you’re happy, then it’s all good,” his dad said in a way that made Isak very awkward, longing for the easiness he felt at Even’s place, with Even’s parents. 

“I think it’s lovely that you have a special friend, my love,” his mom added, serving him a bit more meat even if he had still barely touched the food. “Any person you date is very lucky to have you.”

Thankfully, his dad left as soon as they finished dinner, saying that he still had things to pack. Isak and his mom sat on the couch and talked about nothing in particular. She was actively pretending the last year didn’t happen, that she wasn’t abandoned by both her husband and her son, and Isak had to fight hard not to let guilty eat over the best of him – he wasn’t sure when he would be able to forgive himself for ignoring her existence for so long, for leaving his mom alone when she needed support the most.

One day, he would be able to look her in the eyes and ask for forgiveness. But, as much as Even wasn’t ready to talk to Sonja, that wasn’t a conversation that he could see himself starting anytime soon.

At midnight, they were hugging on the sofa while his mom watched a Christmas mass and Isak texted Even a picture of himself wearing a Christmas hat with the caption _merry christmas, miss you_ _♥_

With the corner of her eyes, his mom caught him focused on his cellphone and in a sweet voice asked, “Are you talking to Even?”

Hearing her say Even’s name in such a loving, tender way made tears come to his eyes, and he squeezed her hand.

“Yes, yes I am.”

"Tell him I wish him a merry Christmas and many blessings in his life,” she said in a cheerful tone, focusing her attention on the television once again. 

Isak had the biggest smile as the typed one more text.

* * *

And then, on Christmas morning, there was a giant teddy bear to greet him.

Isak reread the panels on the drawing again and again, not understanding a single word but sure that whatever it was referring to, it must have been a beautiful thing, if Even liked it. He could barely control his grin while he pictured Even entering a store to get the gift – did he say it was for his boyfriend? Did he ask random people to help him put the thing in a taxi, and then get it up to Isak’s floor? Did he draw the comic back at his parents’ or sat by Isak’s doorstep and did it that very morning?

After carefully folding the drawing and putting it in his pocket, he sent a thank you text to Even, saying once again he missed him. Then he stared at the teddy bear for five full minutes before grabbing it.

“What the fuck am I going to do with this huge ass bear,” he whispered to himself, because putting his feelings aside, there was nothing practical about it. He had difficulty to pass through the door with it, and eventually decided that it would look like a nice complement to their new Christmas tree. When everything was settled, he snapped a picture of the decoration to send it to the flat group chat.

_what do you think?_

It took only a few seconds for the cellphone to buzz with notifications.

_Please tell me there’s not a giant teddy bear in our living room_

_DID EVEN GET IT TO YOU?!?!?!_

_Oooh, that’s so cute! Merry Christmas my lovelies_ _♥_

He grinned at their unsurprising reactions, then headed to the bedroom to leave his things and change his clothes. He was decided to make the best out of his home alone time, since he couldn’t even remember the last time that had happened – possibly never, with Linn being a constant presence in the flat. But this Christmas even Linn had decided to go somewhere else, heading up North to… visit her family, possibly. Isak wasn’t very sure.

Which meant blasting Jason Mraz and washing his bedclothes without being teased to death by Eskild. He cleaned his room and, pondering that Christmas was the best time to be sappy as fuck, put Even’s drawing on the wall above his bed. After thirty six minutes of very hard work, he splashed out on the bed, exhausted.

At almost exactly the same time, the doorbell rang.

Isak got up in a knee-jerk reaction, looking disgruntledly to his messy hair and sweaty t-shirt, with his heart jumping in anticipation because there was basically one person in the whole damn world how could be ringing that doorbell.

 _are you at the doorstep??_ he sent Even.

;) was the instant answer.

He washed his face, changed his t-shirt and tried to look fairly presentable in under three minutes, which made him open the door a bit breathless. House chores were never worth it.

Thankfully, Even clearly didn’t care, because Isak barely had time to finish saying _Hello_ before Even grabbed his face and kissed him.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Even whispered against his lips, grinning.

“Merry Christmas, thanks for the present,” Isak whispered in return, holding back his wish to say that Even was already the greatest Christmas gift he could have ever asked for (it was the time to be sappy, but probably there were some law of the universe forbidding people to be _that_ sappy.)

 “It was fun carrying it across town, I got inspired by your Christmas tree endeavors,” Even said as Isak gave room for him to enter the flat and closed the door behind him.

“Don’t remind me,” he retorted, letting himself be pulled by the waist and kissed some more.

“You know what I bought?” Even asked when they broke apart, a bit breathless and with very red lips that could easily distract Isak for his entire existence. Isak shook his head, trying to control himself but not able to keep his hands off his boy, tenderly stroking his cheek.

Even opened his backpack and showed him a Love Actually DVD.

“Oh, I’ve seen this movie so many times! Which is why I totally got what your drawing meant. It’s a Christmas fave, really,” Isak retorted nonchalantly.

“Yeah? What’s your favorite scene?” Even asked playfully.

“When they… when that lady,” he pointed at one of the women on the cover, “decides to join the Christmas carol after going through her inner struggles about singing?”

“You know, Christmas is not the time for bullshitting.”

“It’s just that you’re old so you’ve had more time to watch these things.”

“Wow, you don’t need to get defensive,” Even said, putting both his arms up in a defensive gesture. “I can show you the world.”

“Aladdin,” Isak pointed out.

“See, you’re not that bad.”

“I think we can watch it in the living room, there’s nobody else at home.”

“Nobody, really?” Even asked, raising both his eyebrows. “Not even Linn?”

“A true Christmas miracle,” he agreed.

“I’ll just make us some popcorn.”

“Nice, I’ll take the things out of the washing machine while you’re at it.”

“You were _washing clothes_?”

“Shut up.”

“Now _that_ is the true Christmas miracle, I have to tell Eskild.”

Isak gave him a look, offended that Even wasn’t even trying to pretend not to laugh at his face. He was just now realizing the huge mistake he made when he encouraged his roommates to spend so much time with Even. They had probably told him every piece of embarrassing things that Isak had done, ever. Maybe except for Noora, who was too nice for her own good.

“Don’t you have some popcorn to prepare?” he retorted, pushing Even towards the kitchen.

“I like it when you boss me around,” Even said after some consideration, putting the popcorn into the microwave while Isak tried to sort out the right way to hang his bedclothes. When he turned to look at his boyfriend, Even was giving him a very suggestive look.

“Movie first?” Isak suggested.

“Movie first,” Even agreed. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope they're enjoying their first Christmas together. ♥ I'm stillwesing on tumblr if you want to talk to me. :)


End file.
